


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,159

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [43]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 20:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The weekly satirical saga continues, as the unkillable Mace "Kilgore" Windu seeks vengeance against a four year old Luke Skywalker. </p>
<p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,159

TATOOINE - Day 1,159:

"I don't think I can take him," I said, unable to make eye contact. "He's too strong."

"Obi, you're letting your fear take over," he responded. "The man you once knew as Mace Windu no longer exists. He's now more machine than man. Kilgore has embraced the fear and hatred and this has led him down a dark path from which he may never return."

"I understand, Master." I said, looking into his translucent blue eyes. 

"You must reject everything that he has accepted as truth. By staying true to yourself, an opportunity will present itself."

"As you wish, Master."

"And this boy who has crossed paths with you, this Han Solo, he will play a great role in the fate of the galaxy."

"Are you serious?!" I couldn't believe my ears. 

"It is true, Obi-Wan. But you must shelter him from the Force as much as possible. He must discover the power of the Force on his own terms, and this acceptance may take him many years."

"But why him, Master Qui-Gon?" Before I could get the answer, my Master had vanished into the night air. 

I meditated for several minutes on Luke, Leia, Han, and my unborn child. What would this new generation's role be in deciding the fate of the galaxy?

I returned to the temporary camp we had set up, and heard Chewbacca's voice. "Dude, finally! I was about to send Luke out after you."

I chuckled, and saw Luke curled up in the sand. I covered him gently with my robe to provide extra warmth. 

"So wher’ve ya been, old timer?" Han Solo was apparently a very important person in the galactic scheme of things, but he was not one for subtlety. 

"I was communing with an old friend, Master Solo."

"Listen gramps, I ain't nobody's master."

"I meant it as a form of respect. You are not quite old enough to be a 'Mister,' so 'Master' is what you're stuck with."

"This old friend you were meeting with must really like dark sandy places in the middle of nowhere. Personally, I could do without it," Han said, laying on the sarcastic charm. 

"He goes wherever he is needed," I was vague, hoping for no follow up questions 

I took note that Han was still holding the DL-44 heavy blaster pistol that Chewie had given him. He caressed the weapon as if it were a prize possession, or maybe his only possession. 

"Chewie told me that you held your own against those bounty hunters. In fact, he said your bravery played a large part in causing them to retreat."

"Totally, man," Chewie added. "He was out of sight!"

Turning from Chewie to me, Han said, "I wish I understood what Fluffy was always going on about. Say, you think you could teach me some of that Chewiese?"

"In time, young one." I sat beside him. "But what I'm really curious about is your story, Han. How did you end up on Tatooine?"

"Well gramps, I usually don't like to brag, but seeing that you guys forgave me for leading you into that trap, I guess I could make an exception."

For a moment I rested my hand on his shoulder. "I appreciate your honesty."

"Yeah," Han looked unsure of himself. "My parents were killed by space pirates when I was very young. So being on my own, I had to learn to fend for myself. I began stowing away on transport vessels and smuggler's ships. Sometimes I got caught and was forced to earn my keep, other times I just hopped from one planet to the next. I'd get the occasional odd job, but thievery was always quicker and easier."

"Man," Chewie said, "you've been busy."

Turning to me, Han asked, "What Fluffy say?"

Smiling, I interpreted, "Fluffy is very impressed with your survival skills."

"Hmm," was Han's only response. "Now can I ask you something?"

"Certainly, young man."

Glancing over at Luke, Han said, "That kid is pretty important, huh?"

"Yes, you have no idea just how important he is. It is my duty and honor to keep him from harm."

"And that Kilgore, what's his deal?"

"Kilgore," saying his name left a nasty taste in my mouth, "was a good man at one time, until he turned to evil. Six-hundred-and-fifty-nine days ago I was forced to kill him. And that was the second time he died. He's like a bad space rash, he keeps coming back."

Han was visibly enthralled by the tale. "Why does he want to kill you?"

"It wasn't me he wanted dead, well not originally anyway." I looked upon Luke with great love and affection. "He wanted that precious child dead, to pay for the sins of his father."

"Who's his father?"

I smiled and replied, "That's a tale for another time."

Han leaned forward slightly. "Well that's not all Kilgore wants. I heard his bounty hunters talking and..."

Chewie suddenly stood up and grabbed Luke. "Dudes! I hear something!"

Leaping to my feet, I instructed the boy, "Han, someone is coming! Prepare yourself!"

There was a steady hum moving towards us over the dunes. As it closed in I sensed two or more vehicles coming at us. All at once two speeder bikes cut through our camp, and circled around firing their blaster cannons. It was that coward Greedo and that baby-diaper-head Dengar. I lit my saber, as Chewie and Han fired their weapons. 

Before Greedo and Dengar reentered the camp, a second wave of speeder bikes came from behind and cut through the middle of us. This time it was Bossk and Boba Fett. I made a mental note that I must speak to Boba when this attack was over. 

Four speeders circled our camp, each one taking turns trying to run us down. All of them kicking up dust clouds that made the situation in the darkness of night absolutely chaotic. But that's just what Kilgore wanted. He swooped down out of nowhere and Force pulled Luke right out of Chewie's backpack. 

"Wassup, bitches?!" Kilgore yelled as he sped off. 

I turned back just in time to catch a sneak attack by Greedo. Swinging my saber, I sliced his speeder in half causing him to go tumbling off into the night. While Boba and Chewie exchanged laser fire, Dengar saw what I had done to his comrade and set his sight on me. Firing his blaster cannon, he accelerated rapidly. I deflected each blast with my righteous Jedi skills, as I called to Han, "Solo! Dengar!"

With one shot, Han had hit Dengar in the shoulder, knocking him off the speeder. With no controller, the speeder came to an abrupt stop. I grabbed Han and tossed him onto the rear section of the seat, and I took control. "We must save Luke!" I informed him as we sped off. 

"What about Chewie?" Han was genuinely concerned. 

"I'd be more worried about Boba Fett!"

We followed Kilgore's dust cloud until we eventually found his abandoned speeder bike at the base of an enormous boulder. I instructed Han to hide our bike on the other side of the boulder under some brush. Then I sliced off part of the directional steering vane to ensure that Kilgore could not escape. 

As the first sun broke over the horizon, I Force jumped to the top of the boulder and found Luke unconscious, but alive. He was on a makeshift rock altar, as Kilgore was on his knees and speaking in tongues preparing for some bizarre ritualistic killing. So I snuck up behind the bald bastard, and zeroing in on his only unprotected area, I bashed the speeders metal steering vane against the top of his head. He was rendered unconscious. 

To my amazement, Han had already scaled the boulder and was standing beside me. He leaned in, almost face to face with Kilgore and yelled, "You got knocked the fuck out!"

Forcing back a smirk, I said, "Master Solo, language, please."

"Sorry gramps." So he kicked Kilgore in the face instead. 

"Han, we must act quickly. I want you to take Luke and the speeder we came on and get back to Chewie. Tell Chewie to take you and Luke back to my hut. If Boba Fett is still around I want you to tell him where he can find me and Kilgore. Quickly. Quickly!"

"You want Boba Fett here?"

"Trust me," I smiled at the brave young man. 

Han looked utterly confused. As he picked up the still unconscious Luke, he asked, "And what about you?"

Looking down at Kilgore, I attempted to repress the hate. "I have some unfinished business to attend to."


End file.
